Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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