What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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