do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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