In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
