Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
