WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
