Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
