I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
