Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
