Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
