@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize
