never play flip cup with pint glasses
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
