He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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