This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
