I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
