I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
