New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
