I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize