i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
