I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Randomize
