Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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