I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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