What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
