dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Randomize
