Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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