i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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