I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
