And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Randomize
