You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
