my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
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Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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