that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
