Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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