My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
