I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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