dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
