We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
