Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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