So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
