no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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