I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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