So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Randomize
