Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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