worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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