my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
