he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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