Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
