Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
