you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
