i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
