Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
