PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Randomize
