Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
