i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Randomize
