i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
