i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
