12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
