i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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