What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
