like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
