Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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