So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
