My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
