Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
