When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I need water and some morals
Randomize
