I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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