I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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