worst night to have a conscience
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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