If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
