what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
