im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
