did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
