AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
