I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
