i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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