i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
